Growing Pains
I can remember lying in bed at my grandparents' house when I was in grade school, crying because my legs hurt and I was afraid. Grandpa used to smile and tell me, "It's just growing pains. They'll go away soon and you'll be a little bigger! Someday you'll be as tall as me!" Now, I tell my little girl the same things.
Growing pains never stop, really. They just change. As adults we don't feel the pain of growing taller, we feel the pain and anxiety of growing spiritually, emotionally, professionally, and in our roles as parents, adult children, and so on. Life is ever-changing, and so are we.
It's very hard to switch gears sometimes. You never know when it will happen, but it's inevitable and can sometimes be very exciting! Right now, I'm in my thirties. I've been through multiple back injuries that occurred throughout my years of work in public safety. I never wanted to slow down -- it was always full speed ahead! I've always been very driven. I was raised to be a hard worker and to dismiss pain with a mantra courtesy of my USMC combat veteran father: "It don't mean nothing!" I told myself macho BS like "pain just lets you know you're alive" and "keep pushing; rest is for [uhhhh] wimps." I suppose I convinced myself at some point that the world needed saving one 911 call at a time, and I had to have a hand in it. Well, I really was needed, but slowing down and taking care of myself was clearly needed, too. Today I've been reflecting on what changes I need to make in order to continue to be productive, despite my injured back.
Instead of sleeping every moment I can squeeze in, knowing if I don't get sleep I could get hurt or, G-d forbid, my partner or patient could get hurt, I have the ability (and physician's order) to take it easy, pace myself, and concentrate on healing. Oh my! This is very foreign to me! It's a little uncomfortable, even! My brain says, "Princess is at school! Sleep! Sleep now while you can!" Then, reason pops up her head and reminds me that I don't have to be in the "fight or flight" mode constantly any more. I can breathe and accept that it is okay not to rush to get the housework done, sleep, throw dinner together, and so on. I can slow down, take care to do tasks fully, and pay attention to detail.
If you've never worked in emergency services, you may not fully understand what it's like to have no choice other than to continually be ready and on alert for the next call. It's a lifestyle unlike any other. You have to be vigilant and always prepared to drop everything and run. You experience huge bursts of adrenaline alternating with a pseudo-calmness. You make split-second decisions that affect your life, and, often times, you must think very quickly to make life and death decisions for the people entrusted to your care. You don't realize how emotionally and physically taxing that is until you're forced to stop suddenly. You don't realize how different your life has been for almost twenty years, even when people tell you "I don't know how you do it. You have to rest and not be on the go all the time. Chew your food! Enjoy life! Stop being safety-paranoid and come back to reasonable caution!" We smile, understand their good intentions, and dismiss them because that philosophy just doesn't fit into the reality of our world.
My morning routine has been affected the most so far. I'm awake, I pack her lunch, make breakfast, style her hair, and actually talk with my daughter before ushering her to the car and taking her to school. Boy, is that nice! When I get home, I straighten up the kitchen and enjoy a cup of freshly-brewed coffee while checking my Facebook news feed to catch up on all of the gossip, news, and maybe I'll even play Criminal Case for a few minutes. It's nice to breathe!
When I was little, my growing pains were to make me stronger and taller. As an adult, my poor back heralds new growing pains -- those that demand I slow down and be mindful of my limitations and appreciative for all of the blessings G-d has graciously provided.
Have a great day!
Growing pains never stop, really. They just change. As adults we don't feel the pain of growing taller, we feel the pain and anxiety of growing spiritually, emotionally, professionally, and in our roles as parents, adult children, and so on. Life is ever-changing, and so are we.
It's very hard to switch gears sometimes. You never know when it will happen, but it's inevitable and can sometimes be very exciting! Right now, I'm in my thirties. I've been through multiple back injuries that occurred throughout my years of work in public safety. I never wanted to slow down -- it was always full speed ahead! I've always been very driven. I was raised to be a hard worker and to dismiss pain with a mantra courtesy of my USMC combat veteran father: "It don't mean nothing!" I told myself macho BS like "pain just lets you know you're alive" and "keep pushing; rest is for [uhhhh] wimps." I suppose I convinced myself at some point that the world needed saving one 911 call at a time, and I had to have a hand in it. Well, I really was needed, but slowing down and taking care of myself was clearly needed, too. Today I've been reflecting on what changes I need to make in order to continue to be productive, despite my injured back.
Instead of sleeping every moment I can squeeze in, knowing if I don't get sleep I could get hurt or, G-d forbid, my partner or patient could get hurt, I have the ability (and physician's order) to take it easy, pace myself, and concentrate on healing. Oh my! This is very foreign to me! It's a little uncomfortable, even! My brain says, "Princess is at school! Sleep! Sleep now while you can!" Then, reason pops up her head and reminds me that I don't have to be in the "fight or flight" mode constantly any more. I can breathe and accept that it is okay not to rush to get the housework done, sleep, throw dinner together, and so on. I can slow down, take care to do tasks fully, and pay attention to detail.
If you've never worked in emergency services, you may not fully understand what it's like to have no choice other than to continually be ready and on alert for the next call. It's a lifestyle unlike any other. You have to be vigilant and always prepared to drop everything and run. You experience huge bursts of adrenaline alternating with a pseudo-calmness. You make split-second decisions that affect your life, and, often times, you must think very quickly to make life and death decisions for the people entrusted to your care. You don't realize how emotionally and physically taxing that is until you're forced to stop suddenly. You don't realize how different your life has been for almost twenty years, even when people tell you "I don't know how you do it. You have to rest and not be on the go all the time. Chew your food! Enjoy life! Stop being safety-paranoid and come back to reasonable caution!" We smile, understand their good intentions, and dismiss them because that philosophy just doesn't fit into the reality of our world.
My morning routine has been affected the most so far. I'm awake, I pack her lunch, make breakfast, style her hair, and actually talk with my daughter before ushering her to the car and taking her to school. Boy, is that nice! When I get home, I straighten up the kitchen and enjoy a cup of freshly-brewed coffee while checking my Facebook news feed to catch up on all of the gossip, news, and maybe I'll even play Criminal Case for a few minutes. It's nice to breathe!
When I was little, my growing pains were to make me stronger and taller. As an adult, my poor back heralds new growing pains -- those that demand I slow down and be mindful of my limitations and appreciative for all of the blessings G-d has graciously provided.
Have a great day!
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